I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
