Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
