I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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