If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
