lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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