Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
