i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
