I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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