Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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