Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
