i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
