listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
