Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
