You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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