so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
