what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
