Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
