Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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