i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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