i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
