Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
