WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
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