Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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