im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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