the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
