Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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