he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Congratulations! We have a period
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
