We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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