Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
