i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
