I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's shark week go big or go home
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
