i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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