Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
