you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
