It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
