Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
