it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
