where am i from again
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
