Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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