Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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