So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
