I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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