when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
