remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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