there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
