My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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