There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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