So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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