It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
