dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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