In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
